This is a hard one but it is so valuable in life and in raising children. Today I had this experience. I have these experiences a lot and each time it is another opportunity to actually learn something about myself. To ask the important questions.
Why do I react certain ways? How can I do better for my children? How can I be the best example for them?
This morning I had poured my last cup of coffee(number 3) and left it on the kitchen table while I went to the bathroom. Less than a minute later I came out and my daughter said, “I’m so sorry, Mamma, I spilled your coffee”. It was all over the quilted table runner that my mother had made me. The cup was completely emptied.
I lost my yoga.
I got really upset and raised my voice.
The funniest thing about this was, while I was acting this way, I KNEW better. I KNEW it was not that big of a deal. It was easy enough to clean up, throw the runner in the wash, and really, I didn’t need that third cup of coffee anyway. But I hung on to my madness. Isla felt really bad. It was a complete accident. Thankfully, it was not long after I had it all cleaned up I went to her an apologized. I told her I made a mistake to react that way. The fact that she knocked the mug over was not a big deal at all and that I am working on controling my reactions.
It’s not easy.
Sometimes it stings even more when you’re in it and your “observer”- the loving, highest version of yourself- is watching you act this way and you know it. This year I made my New Year’s intention to always hold myself to the highest. To make choices that will positively affect myself and others.
Here was a moment where I didn’t do that. I am grateful it was only a few moments. My practice of life has shown me also to forgive myself when I make mistakes.
If I had let it go on and allowed Isla to be upset and cry in her room, to hold onto my anger and the feeling that she was at fault, it would have hurt both of us. On the other side of that coin, because I admitted my shortcommings, and said I was sorry we both had the opportunity to learn. I learned that I need to work harder and more diligently on stopping, breathing, and then choosing an action when things happen. She learned that when you make a mistake, you own up to it. That no matter how old you are, no matter how much you practice yoga and meditation, no matter how pure your intentions are you still make mistakes, that you make it right, you learn a lesson and move on without holding on to that moment.
Life is the best teacher.